Rugby possitions
It is very dificult for the casual observer to determine what rugby
possitions mean. Here is a complete, unbiased look at the different
possitions:
The Pack
Eight handsome burly guys whom you'll gladly
give your beer and food to, and you'd want to marry your daughter. They are
intelligent, elegant, sensitive, and sweet. Truly the ideal men.
The
Backs
Seven guys who will steal your beer while you're not looking, take
advantage of your women folk, barnyard animals, and all tubular household
objects. Often dine on quiche, brie cheese and wine.
Been known to
understand the rule of the ESPN Extreme games' rules. Regularly take blow dryers
on road trips, wear bikini underpants, and carry STDs (AVOID AT ALL
COSTS).
PROP
Short but stout, these strapping men support the
hooker, but no money ever changes hands and the act is never specificaly
named.
Hooker
Often identified by a balding spot atop the head,
these vertically challenged but talented men stand between the two props, and
secures the ball for his team during scrummages.
Second Row
These
tall powerful men are the driving engines not only the scrum, but of the entire
game. They can be found working their magic from deep in the scrum, behind the
front row, or lofting high above the line outs pulling balls from the
air.
The Back Row
Usually the most handsome and intelligent, these
three men of strength
are often considered the renisance men of the rugby
field. They not only control the ball, but the entire pitch. Remember, the back
row defines the whole team's style of play.
Scrumhalf
The point
guard of the rugby team the scrumhalf distributes the ball, runs hits, and
kicks. Scrumhalf is only half as handsome and burly as the pack
members
Flyhalf
The first of those back guys, and the first of the
offensive chain. Often confused with an insect, may be referred to as the man
with "the foot."
Centers
Another pair of those back guys. Either
power runner, or annoying
scampering guy usually found in the opposite
order, but whose main
purpose is to get the ball to
...
Wings
Ideally the fastest men on the team. Their job is to
"score with
the ball", but they often confuse it with "get tackled with the
ball."
Also an excellent snack when smothered in hot sauce and deep
fried.
Fullback
The last line of defense. A back even the pack can
appreciate,
often viewed as a back row in the larval stage.
You asked for it: Beer sayings!
Seeing how beer is an important part of one's rugby career, I thought
you might be interested in reading some beer quotes from some famous and not so
famous people.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the
time.
--Catherine Zandonella
E equals mc squared is a hell of a
concept, but can you use it to make beer?
- A. Einstein
Reality is
an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I never drink
anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A woman drove me to drink
and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has
stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of
the beerholder.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your
drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I
would drink it.
--His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He
would have given us stomaches.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the
drinking classes.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of
drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time,
time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your
life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal
lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
Beer is good food.
you don't like jail?
naw, they
got the wrong kind of bars in there.
--Charles Bukowski
If you ever
reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out
your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
It's better to have beer in hand
than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Beer -
it's not just for breakfast anymore
Beer: Nature's laxative.
Beer.
If you can't taste it, why bother!
One more drink and I'd be under the
host.
--Dorothy Parker
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer
and we are drinking
Barry Manilow.
--Dave Barry
When I heated my
home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year.
I have found that I
can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with
slightly over half that
quantity of beer.
--Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
Without
question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant
you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly
as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry
Not all
chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example,
there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave
Barry
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and
find
that workouts cut into my drinking time.
--A Wolverine is Eating My
Leg
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks
behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Friends don't let friends drink Light
Beer.
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the
nothing...
Draft beer, not people!
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot.
Don't put anything in your beer that a pig
wouldn't eat.
--David
Geary
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from
urine.
--David Moulton
A drink a day keeps the shrink
away.
--Edward Abbey
People who drink light "beer" don't like the
taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton,
WI
Put it back in the horse!
--H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in
the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.